A Christian Counselor




Oral Sex and The Christian Marriage


There may not be a specific passage in the Bible on the subject of oral sex, but for sure scriptures leading to NOT to practise this. There are neither specific scriptures on drinking too much coffee, watching too much or wrong TV programs, nor on smoking or doing drugs for that matter. Although these things are NOT good for you. It is also a matter of walking pure and in holiness unto the Lord.

1 Peter 1:15-16...but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in ALL your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."

Do not use an excuse for unholy living.
If you are born-again and filled with the Holy Spirit, He will guide you into ALL truth. He will reveal what you should throw out of the house, or what to burn, what to do and not to do. Walk in the Spirit, not as they that are of this world, and you will not lust after the flesh.

1 Thessalonians 5:22, 23... Abstain from all appearance of evil. And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. (KJV)

If we start judging after our own understanding, saying this is alright and that isn't, we most likely are deceiving ourselves. Judge according to God's word, pay attention to His voice and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Let us just reason; our body parts have each a specific purpose; you're not walking on your hands; you're not sticking your food in your nose, but lower; you're using your nails to scratch, not your tongue; your anus is to defecate, not for what homosexuals do; your mouth is to eat with and is part of your digestive system. It is not for oral sex. The Creator has designed our body parts for specific functions.

To OK oral sexual activity on the scriptures in The Song of Solomon is absurd. If you interpret oral sex here it is because you "want" to read it. The Song of Solomon is a colorful poetic writing, which expresses the love for the spouse by elaborating on nature. Do you really think that this inspired Book of Songs, which also refers to Christ's Love for His Bride, or God's Love for Israel, should be interpreted on a carnal level? Or contains lustful passions? The Lord is a Holy God, let these thoughts be far from us. Be not deceived for God is not mocked.

Solomon 2 verse 7...(last part) Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases...(repeated in 3:5 and 8:4) The significance of this refrain seems to be that love must be allowed to grow naturally, in its own time. It is not to be forced or given an artificial stimulus.

Christian couples have to practise holiness, self-control, self-discipline in any facet of their marriage, even in their sexual relationship. Because you are married, does not mean you are free to do whatever you like with your spouse. You still have to walk in holiness, you still have to exercise self discipline. Sexual enjoyment is given to lawful partners but should not escalate to lustful desires, which will bring one to sin. The bed should be kept honorable. In ALL we do, we should give praises unto the Lord, even in our sexual relationship with our spouse. Spouses should stimulate each other to please the Lord in this and to shun fleshly lusts.

Titus 2: 11, 12 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men. Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world. (KJV)

1 John 2:16, 17 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but who does the will of God abides forever.

James 1: 14, 15 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

Romans 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.

2 Peter 1: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Romans 6: 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in the lusts thereof.

1 Peter 2: 11 Dearly beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which wars against the soul.

What does the Word say about sodomites?
1 Cor 6:9... Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,
1 Tim 1:10... for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine.

What is the definition of sodomy?
Sodomy \sa-de-me\ n 1 : sexual intercourse with a member of the same sex or with an animal 2 : noncoital and esp. anal or oral sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. sodomize \sa-de-mz\ vb (C) 1995 Zane Publishing, Inc. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary (C) 1994 by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated.

Sodomy = unnatural carnal intercourse between man and woman (New Lexicon Webster's Encyclopeic Dictionary, and Dictionary of English Synonyms, Checkerbooks)

Sodomy..1: anal copulation of one male with another. 2: anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex. 3: Copulation with an animal. Reader's Digest Illustrated Encyclopedic Dictionary.

Sodomy is sodomy! Just because a male and female are married, does not mean that they can practise sodomy! What else does the Word say regarding sex and marriage? I believe that the Word says exactly what is means in the Scripture below, marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, (I interpret this to mean having clean, enjoyable sex with your mate, but not by committing sodomy!).

Is God a respecter of persons? Does He condemn the sodomites who are unsaved, and allow the married Christian couple to commit sodomy and not sin? Never!
Paul says :Rom 6:1... What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?

Heb 13:4... Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

The definition of undefiled is: 283 amiantos (am-ee'-an-tos); from 1 (as a negative particle) and a derivative of 3392; unsoiled, i.e. (figuratively) pure: KJV-- undefiled.
283 amiantos= not defiled, unsoiled: free from that by which the nature of a thing is deformed and debased, or its force and vigor impaired.

Self-Control

Proverbs 25:28... Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 5... so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control..
1 Corinthians 7: 9... but if they cannot exercise self-control, ......
Galatians 6:8... Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Romans 8 :13-14... For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.

Allow the Holy Spirit to do the work in your life, at any cost.

Romans 8:18... For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us.
Phil. 1:27 ... Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in the spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel.
1 Timothy 6:11b-12 ... and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Oral sex is the improper use of the body and would therefore be wrong in all circumstances, including marriage. One meaning of the word "to sanctify" is "to put to the use intended by God." We ought not to violate the intended use or function of any body part, which is the temple of God, nor violate the dignity and sanctity of another person (Quote from Lambert Dolphin).

There is a fine line between godly sexual relationship (between spouses) and perverted sexual activity. The first one is out of love, the last one is out of lust.
Love is of God, lust is of the carnal mind and of satan.

God is the one who made sex and designed it to be enjoyed in the manner it was intended. Any different way is sexual perversion. Like anything whose proper function is abused will cause problems. Oral sex is not sexual intercourse in the sense of the word, but a sexual act, and it would fall under the Bible's prohibition of "porneia" ; sexual impurity. If oral sex is replacing genital sex it will be even more of an abomination unto the Lord. God has clearly designed male and female bodies for genital sexual relations with each other, not for oral and anal sex. Married couples should beware of substituting something else for that which God had designed at Creation.

We must consider God's creativity as our guide and principle that the male genital is designed for the female genital, just as food is for the stomach (1 Cor 6:13). In this light the practice of oral and anal sex cannot be said to conform with God's design and should be regarded as deviations from His plan, which are sinful.

Oral sex is unholy and sin of lust, and satan will be right there to reinforce this sinful behavior. Therefore practising oral sex may eventually lead to further exploring of sexual release through other ways of perverted sex, i.e. sex toys, vibrators, internet sex, fantasy, sex videos, masturbation, pornography etc. This in turn will bring the person into sexual bondage through which sex becomes an addictive drive, and may reach compulsive behavioral levels. The craving for perverted sex will never be satisfied. Once arrived at the point for the need to satisfy the lust of their sexual drive one is trapped and will experience a vicious circle of an unsatisfied sexual relationship with their spouse; mutual love is gone and fleshly sex has taken over.

2 Corinthians 6:17 AV... Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you.

Leviticus 10:10 AV... And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;

Agreement between spouses to participate in oral sex does not make it right. It only shows that both do agree to give in to the lust of the flesh and to unclean sexual activity.There are unclean spirits associated with this act. Some of you may rather call this frigidity, but let me tell you friend, learn first what holiness is, then we'll talk further.

If satan cannot destroy Christian marriages through divorce or adultery, he'll try to get through the backdoor of the Christian marriage, which is through the bedroom door.
Satan's intent is to destroy which is not so visible for the eye, but which is spiritual and involves man's soul. He comes with a host of unclean spirits and tries to attack in the core.

Many Christian couples do not or will not recognize this, or they will not depart from their fleshly lusts. As you can see, one has to make a choice whom to serve.

Satan says: "Now, don't you talk about your sex life to anybody, it's none of their business."
Why do you think he is saying this?...so he will not be revealed... so he can stay and keep his domain. That is why oral sex is hushed in the Christian community. Satan does not want to leave his territory. When oral sex in a Christian marriage is condoned the door is left wide open for other bizarre and unclean sexual activity, such as anal sex etc.

Ephesians 5:3-6... But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

There is also another issue: Although God meant for people to enjoy the sexual act, He also had the purpose of "being fruitful and multiplying" in mind.  Oral sex does not meet this criteria.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18...Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

You should be able to praise God in all situations and circumstances and I am convinced that this is impossible while practising oral sex. This should tell us enough.
The Lord says: Be Holy for I am Holy.

Galatians 5:24... And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Strive to please the Lord, even in your sexual relationship with your spouse.
Sacrifice your old self and its lusts.
JESUS CHRIST SACRIFICED HIS ALL, WHICH WAS PURE AND HOLY.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 KJV
Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.

For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:

That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.

For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.
He therefore that despiseth , despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us His Holy Spirit.


Ephesians 4:17-24 KJV
This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk , in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened , being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard Him, and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.


As we dedicate our lives more and more to the Lord and sell out to Jesus Christ, it certainly will reflect on our relationship with others. If spouses share their intimacy with God in their marriage, it will soon effect their love toward each other, which includes also their sexual relationship. The Fruits of The Holy Spirit will become apparent in their marriage.

The closer we live to God the more beautiful and holy the relationship becomes between spouses. It becomes a foretaste of the heavenly joy, happiness and fulfillment, which is awaiting us in eternity with our Lord.

Psalm 19:14... Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my Strength, and my Redeemer.

Quotation below is taken from a pamphlet by Rev. Robert J. Buschmiller

First, oral sex is not natural. It is contrary to natural law. If oral sex is OK, then are anal sex or nasal sex also OK? There must be some natural parameters to sexual expression. Otherwise, we have little reason not to permit homosexual activity or even sex between humans and animals. Something must be natural, and therefore other things unnatural.

Second, I have been asked to counsel over a hundred married couples about oral sex as foreplay. After some time of discernment, not one has maintained that oral sex was a true expression of love. The motivation behind oral sex is often lust. The spouse is not the focus of the sexual foreplay; rather, sexual stimulation is the focus. It could almost be said that one spouse is having sex with sex rather than with the other spouse. This focus on sex rather than on the spouse is a poison to love and marriage.

Pray about this: "A man will reap only what he sows. If he sows in the field of the flesh, he will reap a harvest of corruption; but if his seed-ground is the Spirit, he will reap everlasting life" (Gal 6:7-8).


May you be found worthy of His calling

TRUE LOVE

Love is something you cannot feel,
although it is so very real.
Love is something you cannot teach,
but it's sure able to reach.
Love is nowhere in this world for sale,
when God given, will never grow stale.
It only will abound,
whenever shared around.


Copyright © 2002, Dr. Trudy Veerman, Webmaster.
All rights reserved.
Scriptures taken from NKJV or as indicated.



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