Psalm 42:5...Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.
I was raised in a church-going family of seven children. My parents always read from the Bible after dinner. We also went to church on Sundays. It was a busy family and there was not much time for personal questions. As you know young people have all kinds of questions going through their heads. We tried to look for our own answers and searched in the wrong direction. Over the years we, as children, became difficult to manage and one after the other got into problems.
I became very rebellious as a teenager and left home to live in a room at a friend's house. It was not long before I got involved in dance clubs, night clubs, drinking, heavy smoking and all kinds of other bad things.
I knew there was a God, and I also believed that Jesus Christ died for all our sins, but I did not know how to apply this knowledge to my personal life, neither had anybody ever told me that this was necessary in order to become a Christian. I was never taught that one needed to accept Jesus Christ as personal Saviour. I thought being a churchgoer was enough. Sad to say, I became entangled in gross sin.
At that time, I did not go to church anymore, because to me it did not make any difference. Sure enough I was lured into sexual relationships and I became pregnant by a young man who did not wanted to marry me. So here I was, stuck, no way out, no where to go. I went to one of my friends to get an abortion. She had helped a few girls that I knew. I asked her to help me also. When I came to her place she kind of hesitated and seemed to drag her feet. We had a coffee and then she said: "Listen, I cannot perform an abortion on you". "Why not?", I said. "I fear you will die if I proceed, and I am not going to do it", she replied. Well, I said: " That's nice, leaving me in trouble". I then left.
I never told anybody about my pregnancy until I had to make further arrangements for the delivery. I became more desperate as time proceeded and finally at 7 months of pregnancy, I told my boss, who was shocked, but very supportive. I was close to 8 months before I told my parents. All that time I had struggled with it by myself.
Shortly after the birth of my adorable little boy, I became so desperate and I wanted to end it all. Through a miracle I got saved and accepted the Lord Jesus as my Saviour. This was a great help and The Lord encouraged me daily.
I started to attend a Full Gospel Church, which was a great blessing. I was loved by everybody, but that did not change the fact that I was single with a baby boy. Often I cried, thinking that I never would be able to find a nice young man who would want to be my husband. I mentioned my need to the preacher and she said: "Listen, don't search by yourself for a husband, the Lord can do a far better job". I left it with the Lord and a year and a half later I met this young Christian man , in another country while on vacation.
We talked about all kind of things and what the Lord had done in our lives, when he stopped and looked at me and said: "Could it be that we are meant for each other?" "Perhaps this is the Lord's will?", he continued. Then he looked at the little closed pendant on my necklace, which had a picture of my little son, and he said : "Can I see that?". I said: "NO". He came closer and said : "Why not, who's picture is in there?" I had no choice but to let him open it and he looked at the picture then at me and again at the picture. By now I started to cry and I was afraid he would reject me. I thought to myself, Lord, why does this has to happen?
And you know, the next thing that followed, this young man held me in his arms and said: "Praise the Lord, I asked for one and He gave me two".
The Lord has wonderful surprises. We were married a few months later and within the next few years we got 3 daughters, but never another boy. While the children grew up together, they all looked alike. We were told that "our" son looked so much like his father, my husband. What a great blessing this son is and has been to us. How wonderful are His ways. Just the thought that he could have been aborted, that I wouldn't have had him, hurts the innermost depth of my soul and makes me cry. But praise God, the nightmare ended and He turned my night into day, my cry into laughter, my despair into relief and my sorrow into joy.
No problem is too big for the Lord and no cry is too desperate. He will make a way, He will answer your prayer, He will look after you, He will take your burden. You only have to call upon Jesus and He will touch your life and make a complete change. He'll give you AN OVERHAUL, so to speak. Remember, you're NOT alone. You'll NEVER walk alone !
Psalm 42:8... The Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night (the dark hours in life) His song shall be with me - a prayer to the God of my life.
Personal account, Copyright © Dr.Trudy Veerman, 1999, 2012
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Click for photograph of the "instant" father and next...